Time by Sarah Dyer

   

As we near the Winter Solstice, or Longest Night of the year, we pause to sit in darkness with ourselves and with others. It is a night to remember, grieve, hold space and offer tenderness. Queen Elizabeth the II is quoted as saying "grief is the price we pay for love." The below poem I wrote and shared for a military commemorative brunch in October this year to remember, honor and celebrate my brother, John. It has been over 4 years since his passing on March 22, 2019. There is no sugar coating or present wrapping that will bring him back. The poem, however, reflects the gradual growth and letting go for myself through the process of grief. I lift each of you up this season in the waiting, in the joy, in the sadness and in the celebrating. I pray that time is gentle to you these coming days as we wait and re-member that the Light and Word came and is with us always. 

Time by Sarah Dyer

Time didn’t exist way back in our youth 

Hours of basketball and staring at the “tube”

Then time sped up as we grew up so cool

You joined the Army and I went to school

Time continued on and it was cherished in bouts

The 24 hour trips you’d make for one day 

Just to celebrate, give a hug and say “hey”

17 years, you gave of YOUR time

Abroad or away, Korea, Kuwait

Then along came your son, Bear settled you down

He danced and you laughed, both we never forget 

Then from Texas you came, back to P-town with fame

Now we were ready for time to stand still

To bask in each visit and all the tables to fill

Cookie contests at Christmas, slip n slide summers

Fireworks downtown and cold beers for Da Bears 

Time then became warped, we didn’t know what had changed 

Then doom stopped the clock on that 22nd day

I dropped to my knees when sister had called

In disbelief that she found you, gone and yet armed

The scream that erupted, scared my children too

And time was unsteady from that moment on

It slowed and grew dim, like a thick fog with weight

I dragged to get up with time on repeat 

Days turned to months and months turned to years

"Time heals all" said the voice in my ears

Rage was the driver of the year 2020

Then COVID masked time and distorted us all

Holed up and masked up and scared by the fear

When would this pass? year after year

It turned the clock inward, for all to reflect

What matters the most?  Am I living my best?

Healing, like seeds, grows best in the dark. 

So counseling and self care, cold plunges and yoga

These ticked away minutes and hours upon hours 

Waiting and waiting in the unknown of time

I slowly re-found my own soul in due time

I learned to forgive and let go of the pains

The bitterness and questions, the hurt and the angst

You always were with me, yet I question that still

How can time bend to let Love really heal??

Past, present, future. We might measure our days. 

May time though surprise you, and catch you off guard. 

By pausing and opening to the magic beyond. 

Because TIME is an illusion, both a MIRROR and a DOOR.