I have wandered a lot of wildernesses and deserts along this pilgrimage toward the kingdom of God. Some have been barren times of sin, when guilt or shame so gripped me that they choked the grace and favor of God from my life. Dry seasons have come in the wake of deep loss and brokenness, when a shattered dream or twisted relationship has come to its crushing end. Depression and all its clinical cousins can create a sandstorm of isolation and lethargy that lacerates the soul. Sometimes, God Himself has led me into the desert, like the slave children crawling out of Egypt onto new sands. He has drawn me away from every secondary love, every false security, and every mask of beauty or competence; He has left me with only Him. These times seem designed to strip me of all that insulates me from my raw need for Him.
Over the last few years, I have experienced a different kind of wilderness. After a backlash of disappointment and broken relationships abated; after depression and guilt dissipated, I have continued to languish in the draining heat of my own selfishness. Many people struggle with being defined by their roles in life – parent, child, spouse, leader. These roles all represent opportunities, responsibilities, and demands. Without these kinds of roles to fill, however, life too easily becomes a series of entertainments and unchecked indulgences. There just aren’t many areas of external motivation for me to pursue meaning, purpose or responsibility in my life. When I see the life I choose to live in the absence of accountability to or for others, I am a little dismayed by the emptiness I opt for. Yet, the Lord extends dozens of meaningful experiences and opportunities that I tiredly dismiss.
If you are experiencing green pastures and still waters in your life right now, take your time. Be leisurely. Walk with the Lord in those places and tell Him often that you are grateful. Those seasons of respite from the harsh conditions of this foreign land are an extension of His grace. If, however, you find yourself in some dry place of brokenness, inadequacy, disappointment, shame or selfishness, remember something with me. He is a God who restores. He doesn’t just save us once; He saves us over and over again. He is the God who breathes fresh life into dust and skeleton. He takes heaps of ash and transforms them into something beautiful. He sees the cracks in the dusty ground of our souls and speaks a trickle into existence to flow until a river of new life floods the valley. Hold on with me, and He will lead us out of the desert and into the Promised Land.
